Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
