LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
