...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
