Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize