i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
