I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
