You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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