these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
