I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
