Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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