Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
