Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
