My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize