Who wears a wallet chain?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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