i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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