I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
