i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
