Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
