Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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