I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
