He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Floor bacon is actually really good
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
