we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
