who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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