Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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