I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
even my farts smell like vagina
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
