Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
