I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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