I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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