if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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