Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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