Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
