I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
