Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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