Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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