If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
