the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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