glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
