I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
