Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
