come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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