Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
