Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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