He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
