Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
