im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
