Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
