I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
