You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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