i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
