that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
