You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
