Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
