i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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