ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
