Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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