bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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