when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
