There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
