Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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