He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My bed smells like the plague
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
