I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
