Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
