He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
