Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
