can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
