lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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